Missing someone

What is this ache,
This knot inside
that stops me breathing and
makes me feel as though
some part of me has been
cut off?

What's the feeling of regret
and self blame
where two or more parts of me
battle for some invisible
higher ground;
and pride - that little shit -
wins over?

What is the self torture
that makes missing someone
become the way it is?

Of is it simply that I'm
back at the black hole,
where we all have to go
just to do the mirror thing?

I'm fed up with
the mirror thing.