Sometimes, I wonder if there's actually anyone out there who isn't an irrational thinker. I mean, really. Going back to the GU thing, it amazes me that so many people get taken in by sweet talk and flattery, and can't understand that when someone's telling you that you're an idiot, you're the idiot for taking it in and being affected by it. Yet it is interesting that it's still been something of an issue for me. I mean, for all I know, posters on GU may have been doing exactly the same thing to me as I was doing to them.
But it is nevertheless fascinating the way people get taken in by flattery and bullshit, yet can't see that they may be being manipulated with it. It's as if human beings are conditioned to accept anything anyone does to them as long as that person treats them nicely, and says things in a nice way. In that respect, they really deserve everything they get. But the psychopath knows this fact really well.
Appearing as arrogant as I was on GUT, I know I've explored this phenomenon really well. My feigned arrogance wound them up so badly that they hated me - or so it seems - but I wonder if they'll understand what a blessing it was that I gave them to get the chance to see that? I doubt it very much.
And that's why, ultimately, I really did come to the conclusion that many of them are morons. Fiction became reality.
And this does bring us round to the whole thing of having the wool pulled over our eyes, doesn't it? How many "aloyisiuses" are there, bitterly demanding that people be honest, when he'd probably totally unaware that he'd having the wool pulled over his eyes by countless people, because he equated "nice" with honest? How many people are being ripped off all over the world by people who are smiling at them and flattering them as they're doing so?
I've spent so many years with a brooding sulk, I think, because I've witnessed this stupidity. The kind of naivite that's made people just have their entire savings milked away from them by smooth talk, rather than facts.
But then again, why am I where I am? Have I been looking for a reality that I believe in? After all, who's to say that I haven't created my own universe based on my own negative beliefs? Just the same way, I may have found what I was looking for, just to confirm my belief system. The self fulfilling prophesy, as it were.
If I think the world is full of fools, then of course I'll find fools. Because that's what I'll be looking for. That's what I'll be expecting!
And this is the same with many people on GUT, I guess. On some level, they expect "jackywacks" and "rasputins" to exist, so they felt they'd found one when they found "me"
But so what? Haven't I just "proved" something, too? That "many people are gullible"? How is that proof? I might just as well done an experiment to find out if people were loving or generous or anything else.
In that respect, my thinking's been as faulty as those I was playing with, too.
What I need to do now, I guess, it to look for different kinds of people. And that means setting my antenna a bit differently. It might also really mean my avoiding GU, once and for all.
That was part of the reason I became "grimlyfiendish". It was so that I could shake off some of the twerps that believed I really was what I'd pretended I was before. But it seems that some people really are too dumb to understand the concept of acting.
One thing's for sure, having said that. I'm a bloody good actor, that I sustained it for so long, and kept up those characterisations.
Monday, July 25, 2005
Who is there out there?
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7 comments:
Come on Raspy - some of us were never fooled. Well except Niggler who was (I think this is correct american term) your bitch.
Thank you, "anonymous".
And blessings to you!
As an afterthought: In many respects, I thoroughly enjoyed "Are you a failed actor?" and the subsequent fallout. All that became boring was the stalking on other posts. I mean, when you're trying to have a conversation with someone about something, and some poor fool's convinced you're the obnoxious character you've been playing for his and others' amusement elsewhere, it's a tad irritating. Rather like having a gnat flying around your ear: it can't do any real harm - it's just a bit of a nuisance.
My acting brilliance is confirmed by your belief, and many others, that "jackywack" was real. When everyone took in "Rasputin"s tarot readings - which were, actually, very often accurate - I proved it again.
I know I'm one of the rare geniuses on GU. You can't get away from that, anonymous.
But you can try if you like.
Hah - Jack beat me to it.
You know this is actually a quite interesting blog. If Jack does not mind, i'll make a fairly lenghtly post.
I was a fairly regular poster at GU as well (under the username Monarch) and used to post day in and day out. Then one day I got up and realised that I was just posting out of habit not because I wanted to but because I had the previous day . So I stopped posting all together.
FORWARD SIX MONTHS
So I had my break and I went back and it's the same old people talking about the same old things. Now, of course, that's fine but I just couldn't get into the habit of posting there again (The first comment on here is mine - really, without thinking, acting out the relationship that I had with Jack when he was Rasputin and I was Monarch. Him as the "spiritual" type and me as a "rationist". We and many others used to go around and around in circles).
But the point is... why bother? I cannot for the life of me see the point in posting the same things over and over again for..well years. In addition, it seems to be that after a while, you post certain replies to people because that's the reply that feel you should give rather than the one that you would actually give. I tried to get back into posting but it just seems a backward step. There are some very nice and interesting people there but it just seems to be a blackhole in which to chuck your time.
In my time away from the GU, I've done various interesting things and as a rule I try not to repeat experiences. Sure if you read a really good book, it may be worth reading again but really surely it's better to read a new one? After a couple of half-hearted posts, I cannot for the life of me think of why I'd really want to go back.
Anyway I think that's plenty horseshit off me (excuse typos and the like - cannot be bothered to proof read them).
Regards
Charles
P.S. Jack, have you ever done a blog touching on your resemblance to Donald Pleasance? Does it every affect how people interact with you? Your acting roles?
Hey Charles! I'm glad you posted again. Seriously, I've let go of the acting. I lost my direction with it a long time ago, particularly when I had personal issues that fucked up my mind to the extent that I couldn't really do it properly. So in that regard, my resemblance to Donald Pleasance hasn't been something I've explored nor exploited. Personally, I'm in a whole new "rediscover myself" mode. That's what the references to the excellent book The Artists Way are all about.
I really know what you mean about going round in circles on GU. It's like a love affair that you can't move on from. That's why I liked to work with illusions now and then, just to throw a spanner in the works, perspective-wise. The other thing is that I really do believe that there can be a significant shift in perspective as you move from username to username. It's rather like being reincarnated. You have some aspects of the last incarnation, but you're different, somehow. The problems come when you get the idiots that insist you're the last username still. They can't just accept that personality is an illusion. What they want is a mummy or daddy that's a perfect constant. All very anal and bonkers, but what can you do when there's no effective moderation?
Were it not for the stalkers and the nutters, GUT would be a lot better. But the problem is that it's a barrel of apples that gets ruined by one or two twerps, that end up bringing everyone else down to their level.
And we are, as they say, "who we run with"
I don't know how I'd be able to shake off Rasputin/jackywack/grimly now. I guess I've set a precedent, in that it's a precedent that nitwits need to attach to. Heigh ho!
You know you can enter a name here if you want, where it says "choose and identity". You can call yourself whatever you want, rather than "anonymous"
Regards.
The problems come when you get the idiots that insist you're the last username still. They can't just accept that personality is an illusion. What they want is a mummy or daddy that's a perfect constant. All very anal and bonkers, but what can you do when there's no effective moderation?
I think what got me in the end was the level of venom that appears on that site. People talk about "joeblow100" being a nutjob - but it seems to me that spending 100s of hours telling Joeblow100 that he is a nutjob is equally strange. Spending all that time on some random stranger - if only we spend so much time on people we know!
I did have a "Fake (what a concept!)" username at some point - I forgot what it was but I used to have great fun suggesting the first piece of rubbish that came into my head - my position on issues would vary from post to post. The problem was even when I pointed out to people that I was just making it all up as I went along - they just couldn't grasp it. In their mind this was some form of trick or climbdown!
Regards
Charles
You have it in a couple of nutshells (if you pardon the pun)
Why, indeed, spend so much time telling a poster how evil they are? Or try to convince other posters how evil he is? I know, it's a bit disturbing, isn't it? As you say, the whole "relationship with a random stranger" is bizarre. Like, there are six billion people out there, and you have this fixation on me? One can't help wondering if they have any kind of lives at all, some of them.
But much of this is tied up with ego. When a poster, or at least some posters, feel that they've been humiliated, they can't stand it. It means the death of the ego, and that's a difficult thing to take on board. I know from my own experience, because I did actually have some ego attached to jackywack the actor. He was an exaggeration, sure, and much of it was fictitious, but I know, brilliant actor that I am, that some element of truth has to go into a characterisation.
But it's all an illusion, isn't it?
Did you read my entry about "The Butterfly effect"? I explored something of the illusion of identity there. As someone who's suffered from PTSD and dissociative identity disorders, to some extent, the whole business of identity and personality has become a really fascinating one. I want to write an article some time about my experiences.
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