The Telescope

When I was a kid I owned a telescope.

I loved it. I loved looking at The Moon, and all the stars, and seeing the way it brought everything up close. I used to stand it on my rabbit's hutch and stare up at the sky at night.

One day, after my friend Steven Wilcox had been round, I found that the telescope had disappeared from my back garden. It was nowhere to be seen. I decided to go round to Steven's, to see if he knew where it was. I went round to his house, and he said he'd found it beside my house, broken. He handed it back to me, in bits. It was all dented, and the eyepiece was broken off and shattered.

I remember feeling so confused, because there was this object that I loved so much all busted up and broken, and my friend had, it seemed, stolen it.

Then my mother appeared. She was furious, and said something to Steven along the lines of "I don't believe you". I burst into tears, as the added humiliation of my mother taking control of my own investigation of the incident caused additional disempowerment and sense of futility.

So I lost my telescope and my friend that day. Plus, I felt even more shackled to my mother's apron strings.

Subsequently, I heard that Steven denied taking the telescope. I don't know how he could, since it was in his bedroom when I went round to his house. But it certainly confused me, and I know it confuses me to this day.

I wonder if my next door neighbour might have taken it. Keith Goldsmith was a thief. I used to go into his house and often find my own toys on the floor in his living room. God knows how and when he took them. Maybe he'd break in.

But the incident with Steven traumatized me, perhaps more than I ever realised.

There was another fried: Kevin Lovett, who I stole a James Bond gun holster from. It was the underarm thing, that was so cool. I remember taking it because he was, basically, a bit of a cunt. Sorry for the French there, but it just seems appropriate. He was a bully, and it was my way of getting back at him.

Maybe some of the kids in my neighbourhood saw me as the rich kid or something. I don't know. I was a bit of a mummy's boy, it has to be said. I was senstive, and loved animals, and was into the stars and all that. Maybe they resented me. Who knows?

I'm probably buying a telescope today, as part of my 49th birthday present. It's in celebration of that little boy within me, and it's my gift to him.

I wonder what became of Steven Wilcox. Does he remember the telescope incident? Would he still deny it?

I'm a little intrigued to find out what he has to say about it, now...

It's a 40 year old loose end I'd like to be able to tie up.