Losing friends

I built up a friendship with someone over the past few months which has just ended, rather messily.

It's a shame when that happens, isn't it? But as humans we're subject to the foibles of our own unconscious belief systems. I saw one way that the relationship could have gone with her, but she saw another.

Heigh ho!

But like I've said in previous posts, love hurts. When two human beings are getting close, and touching on issues really sensitive to them, then it's inevitable that sparks will fly. The problem with my friend is that I was treading on eggshells with her all the time. It got to the point, just as it did with my ex a few years back, that there seemed to be nothing I could do that would make the situation better.

My friend has what I could only describe as some kind of borderline personality disorder. I really understand it. I think a lot of people suffer from it, including myself. It's like we get really scared when our feelings get opened up, and we feel love and affection from someone. We associate the love with the hurt that our parents did to us, so, rather like the way we tend to be drawn to those that abuse us because we associate the abuse with the love our parents gave us, we're repelled by those who love us because we associate that love with the abuse.

So it's a catch 22

I think a good analogy is when you tickle a cat's belly. The cat enjoys it immensely, then will suddenly lash out with its claws and teeth. I think it does it because it's suddenly realised how vulnerable it is, having been witnessed as soft or loving.

So people wear masks: masks of a soft, loving nature that hide terrible fear. Or masks of hardness that hide vulnerability and tenderness.

What's sad about the friendship is that she was, she claimed, looking to escape perfectionism. Yet she's incapable of recognising the actual humanity in others, She was unable too see my point of view.

But then that's part of the whole human situation. I wonder how many wars have started over misunderstandings. I wonder how many divorces have occurred because of assumptions and incorrectly understood fact. Our belief systems rule our lives, it seems, and when the pressure's really on, that's when the really infantile behavious comes up. Because it's when the pressure's on that the infantile belief systems kick in.

Then, the friendships get lost.

Ironically, it's the lost friendships that are, I really believe, tbe biggest spiritual goldmines. There's the most to be gained in the friendships that end in stalemate. That's where the most can be learned.

What I fear about this ex friend, though, is her fear and anger. But they're something I have no control over, ultimately. So there's little use in fretting over them. I fear that she might want to dump her hatred of men on me.


Heigh ho!

Life goes on...