Risk

I've just been having some really interesting epiphanies about risk and fear, self consciousness and such again.

I was just watching a guy playing "who wants to be a millionaire" and he was being so careful about making decisions that it was crippling him. He was plainly using up his lifelines way too quickly, when he could have easily taken the risk that he really pretty much knew he could go on, and have the lifeline for a later, more important place and time. But I could see and understand the fear in him: that he didn't want to lose what he already had.

But that's just the kind of fear that keeps so many of us attached to the second rate lifestyle that we might be having at any time. Scared of "jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire", we put up with crap rather than move on.

I was thinking about a friend who was telling me how she would gamble in Vegas, and the thrill of winning money, but what is the thrill? It's the commitment to chance, that leads to the adrenaline rush associated with risk. Even though she was wealthy, she enjoyed the rush of gambling.

I was thinking earlier, too, about the scene in the movie "Hannibal", where Lector talks about deep rolling pigeons, and how they get so close to the ground before pulling out of their dive. Just like Icarus who flew too close to the sun, these pigeons risk crashing, and they sometimes do. And it occurred to me that I've been a deep roller in some respects. And perhaps the really successful people in life are just that - as are the spectacular losers. They take a risk in their lives and, thanks to the nature of the butterfly effect, their destinies become whatever they become, and they live in the illusion of their success or failure as a result.

I've been realising just how much my selfconsciousness has crippled me in the past: with relating to others, having love affairs, even stuff like dancing with people or dating. Fear of rejection caused paralysis in my life, as it does in so many people's lives.

And so people spend their entire lives in the same job, or with the same bored or boring friends, or in the same town or country, with the same lover in a dead relationship, or unable to take the risks that lead to new experiences and new bonds with people.

And by needing to win, people remain locked in a place of limited living. They compare themselves with others, so the limit is set from that moment on.

Interesting stuff.

Any comments?