Being famous

Oh fuck it.

I was just thinking about the absurd desire in so many people to be famous, as if being adored or merely the subject of interest of millions of people is actually important.

I've wanted to be famous for much of my adult life, and if I'm really honest (and since I've done a shitload of therapy) I realise the need has arisen from my own lack of self esteem, and desire to be acknowledged and legitimized by others, rather than myself.

Yes, it comes down to that old chestnut of self esteem: my parents didn't accept me for who I was, so I learned to perform to get attention, and only from the attention of others do I get (or have I gotten) any real sense of being.

And so, like so many actors and models and musicians and artists and writers and fuck knows who else, I've craved the attention of others, and that elusive and fickle mistress, fame.

But the laughable thing nowadays is that everyone thinks they can be famous, regardless of what they do, or how clever or important they are, or whether what they have to say makes any significant and lasting positive impact on history. We live in a media driven society where values have gone out of the window and celebrity is what it's all about. Celebrity without substance, celebrity for celebrity's sake. But celebrity.

So we now have a culture of people who think that they're important because a few million people of little critical significance, and crass values, want to know about their lives.

And I really want to be a part of that?

Heigh ho.

But that's what I decided I wanted to do a long time ago. I guess I've learned my lessons as I've travelled along my path.