More attention on GU

I've been looking at the visit counter at the bottom of this blog, that points not only to people's ISPs but also to the websites they came from, and I've found the thread that's called "a groom of one's own", and it's highlighted something that I've known all along about many of the GU posters that's common to many people, which is difficult to face, and which is very much involved with denial. I was thinking that perhaps it was unnecessary to actually spell things out for them. I did so on GUT but there was such a backlash from the idiots that it got me banned by silly moderators. Here I'm my own moderator, so I can say the truth and people can read it for what it is.

Last year, one of the posters on GUT, who went by the name of Artermis, was ill for a long time with cancer, and I made the unforgiveable suggestion that she accept that she was going to die, and do all the things with the remainder of her life that would bring her joy. I suggested she go off on a round the world trip, and visit beautiful places on this wonderful planet that I've seen myself before she died.

Many of the posters reacted with this as if I was telling her something that was less than in her interest, and I was attacked for it. Attacked really badly, by scared, vindictive twerps, frankly.

The thread title was "Get well soon, Arty" and it's function, certainly initially, was that she get over the cancer and get well.

But she wasn't getting well, and on my first encounter with Artermis I told her that perhaps she should accept her inevitable death. We do, after all, die.

But it was as if I'd killed her myself, the way many of the posters reacted.

But the truth of the matter is this: those posters didn't allow Artermis to accept an inevitability of life, and by so doing they made her cling on to an unreasonable hope. Many months passed where Artermis could have been simply letting go and enjoying her remaining months so much more, whereas posters who have such a morbid fear of an inevitability of life - death itself - were making her hang on to a false hope, and by so doing, suffer more.

As far as I'm concerned - and some posters secretly agreed with me, but didn't have the guts to admit it - I did the bravest thing for Artermis, by trying to make her come to terms with her life, and the end of it.

But now there are posters who are so stuck in their own denial, and their own fear of death, thatthey've been badmouthing me ever since.

Frankly, it doesn't bother me what they say, as I know I'm right. Any sensible person knows I'm right, and that it's just a case of "shooting the messenger".

But these are the kinds of people that bring the rest of the more vulnerable people on GUT down all the time. They're the kinds of people who secretly want everyone to be as depressed and scared as they are.

Well, that's a club I have no interest in joining.

And here, on my own blog, I can say the truth.

Knowing that posters on GUT now read this blog, I'm quite happy with that. I know that posters read this. Some - the badmouthing idiots who hide behind their anonymity - make all kinds of remarks on GUT about me. I'd welcome people who actually agree with me.

Make a stand against the fearmongers on GUT, and don't join their club. That's all I can suggest to you.

I've spent a great deal of my life depressed and in turmoil about it, and I've been through shit myself. But it's meaningless. Many posters on GUT don't want to get beyond that, and they can't stand to see posters - or anyone else for that matter - get beyond that state of fear either.

So it's up to you, anonymous readers of this blog.

Like I say, I don't care what you think about it. I don't care that some anonymous clown is taking the piss out of me.

I'm doing this for me, so fuck them.

This is the emerging me. And I feel OK about that.

Not long before she died, Artermis made the comment that I was "taking attention away" from her. Not so. What I was doing was simply finding my own attention and love for myself, rather than crave it from others. And that's what I wanted her to find for herself, but other posters wouldn't let her see it.

This is a common mistake people make, and one I've made myself. All I ever did was try to help Artermis see that all she was ever doing was give her own power away by needing the attention of others, rather than find it in a spiritual way.

I know for a fact that Artermis now understands this. I've spoken to her spirit since then, and I know that if any posters care to actually ask her they'll find she'll tell them the same thing: that I was, actually, right.

We all die. That's the truth of the matter. And in that respect I suggest that the most embittered posters, who want to blame me for the inevitability of her death, grow up about that fact.

It's time you accepted the next phase of the grieving process, and stopped pretending that I'm the source of your misery. The hatred you possess is your own. I've just been an excuse for you to focus it, and it's just tedious now.

Grow up and accept death as a part of life. See a bereavement counsellor if necessary, but deal with the facts of death.

Then you might actually start living, instead of being obsessed with me.

It was very sad that Artermis died so young. What was sadder was that she couldn't live her last months with some real joy. But I'm certainly not taking the can any more for those who bear the real responsibility for that, when in fact I was the only one who actually dared to be honest with her. And honesty was the best gift she could have been given.