Zen and the Art of Surviving on Earth and keeping a (fairly) clear conscience about it.

Enjoy the advertisements ..

2009-05-06T12:38:00.001-05:00

Enjoy the advertisements ..
Originally uploaded by Tony Shi, NY-NJ

IMG_5020

2009-02-24T12:57:00.001-06:00

IMG_5020
Originally uploaded by funkydrew

Film shoot

How to Stop Emotional Abuse - Recognizing and Stopping Abuse

2008-12-01T13:04:00.000-06:00

How to Stop Emotional Abuse - Recognizing and Stopping Abuse

How to Break Up With a Woman

2008-12-01T13:01:00.000-06:00

How to Break Up With a Woman

StumbleVideo - Dailymotion - lobo_skank_onesong_h264, a video from makecurv…

2008-11-16T13:05:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Dailymotion - lobo_skank_onesong_h264, a video from makecurv…

Eidolon A.I. talks about the Singularity, Judgment Day, TLP

2008-11-16T08:47:00.001-06:00

StumbleVideo - Bill Hicks: Life is Just a Ride

2008-05-09T18:09:00.000-05:00

StumbleVideo - Bill Hicks: Life is Just a Ride

StumbleVideo - Synchronisation

2008-05-09T13:08:00.000-05:00

StumbleVideo - Synchronisation

Why do I find this so interesting?

It seems to have some significance...

Home funerals

2008-03-30T20:13:00.003-05:00

My sister died in October, and I'm sorry to say I didn't make the funeral, which was back in England. Funerals are important because they help people deal with their grief, and enable us to process whatever needs to be processed in order to let go, say goodbye, face the reality of what's happened, and then just get on with our own lives.

I'm sorry to say death hasn't been something my own family has been able to deal with very well at all. Of course I can understand why. I mean, we don't want to face death of loved ones, or look at the impermanence of this existence. But denying death really only means we can never really embrace our own lives, for you can't really explore one without accepting the other, whether it's our own life or death, or the life or death of a loved one.

Neither my father or mother have really been able to do death very well. My mother never really was able to mourn her own father's death, and my father couldn't deal with his brother's, that happened during world war two. PTSD is tied up with the inability to grieve, and I think their own stuckness transferred to their offspring. I know that growing up I was taught to fear death. But fearing death means fearing life. It means never really stepping into the flow, never really ever loving, never "going for it".

DH Lawrence talks about humans being "transmitters of life". Some of us, though, are the living dead, and the living dead suck the life from the living, and tells us we should avoid letting them "eat us up". But that's just what fearful people do: they eat up the courageous. They eat up the living, or might as well do.

I did a documentary recently about people who do home funerals. It's an old practice, abandoned during the 20th century, but apparently experiencing a revival of late, at least in some parts of America. A loved one dies, and the family and friends lay out the body, clean it, and prepare it for burial or cremation.

The idea of such a thing happening in my family is, frankly, unthinkable. It could never happen. Why? Because they wouldn't able to cope with it. My sister Janice probably could have, as she had the kind of courage that it takes to face life - and death - straight on. Perhaps that's why she lived her life that much more fully.

But I'm sorry to say that my mum would have been as likely to have lain out my sister for burial as...well, I can't think of any appropriate comparison. She simply wouldn't have done it.

And that's so sad. Because, difficult as it would have been, how much more would she have been able to actually deal with her death, and properly grieve?

I can't help thinking that not having the courage to face the death of loved ones is actually a terrible selfishness. Ironically, it probably increases the chances of experiencing the death of our loved ones as a result. That's the terrible irony of it.

But then maybe that's part of the whole business of survival. I've always thought that it's those who do the real loving that end up the victims of others' fears. Maybe that's what happened with my sister. Who can say? It's an irony that those who love have compassion for those that hate.

Perhaps that's why some of us end up becoming the victims of victims. It's almost as though we play some kind of cosmic game of "pass the parcel", where responsibility gets passed to the next person where it's held like a hot potato for as short a time as possible. But, of course, someone ends up being stuck with it when the music stops.

Love is a strange thing. Full of paradoxes, really. We love, but perhaps only the foolish love too much.

Yet just as society relies on altruism and true care, society also relies on that same foolishness.

For without those that stick their necks out and sacrifice, where would any of us be?

Could I do a home funeral? It's not something I'd wish to do. None of us really wants to bury someone we love. But death is, after all, a reality.

So I would like to think I could. Perhaps if I'd have been able to witness my own sister's death, and have played an active part in her funeral, I'd feel more at ease about something that I haven't really been able to put my finger on yet.

Perhaps, too, the terrible wound within my family might just have been healed a little had we all been brave enough to face it, hands on.

New Model of the Universe

2008-03-28T11:01:00.002-05:00

And here it is.

I love this guy's work!

StumbleVideo - Dr. Lorraine Day - Diseases Don&39;t Just Happen!

2008-01-27T10:11:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Dr. Lorraine Day - Diseases Don&39;t Just Happen!

StumbleVideo - The 21st Century: What will it look like?

2008-01-16T18:14:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - The 21st Century: What will it look like?

Scenes from upcoming film I'm in

2008-01-15T12:40:00.001-06:00

These are some scenes from a film I'm in that's going to do the rounds of the festivals this year.

There are still a couple of scenes to shoot, plus sound and editing bits to be finished, foley and so on.

But it was fun to do and should get some good reactions and reviews, I think.

Considering what it cost to make (zero) it's been rather successful, I think

StumbleVideo - MySpaceTV Videos: Origin of the species by Pat Condell

2008-01-12T20:49:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - MySpaceTV Videos: Origin of the species by Pat Condell

StumbleVideo - 1/10,000 of a second

2008-01-12T18:48:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - 1/10,000 of a second

StumbleVideo - Esoteric Agenda part 3

2008-01-12T17:45:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Esoteric Agenda part 3

in its image

2008-01-12T14:29:00.000-06:00

in its image

This is the future.

StumbleVideo - In Its Image

2008-01-12T14:06:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - In Its Image

StumbleVideo - Earth to Humanity - BlueMen Group

2008-01-12T14:03:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Earth to Humanity - BlueMen Group

StumbleVideo - Why debate dogma?

2008-01-06T21:22:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Why debate dogma?

StumbleVideo - Status Anxiety Pt. 2. (4 of 5)

2008-01-06T01:14:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Status Anxiety Pt. 2. (4 of 5)

An excellent series of documentaries on Status Anxiety.

Jack on "God"

2008-01-05T10:25:00.000-06:00

This was a response to an argument on Guardian Unlimited...

Well, "God" hasn't explained consciousness properly, so why accept that? Besides, who says we have to "explain" consciousness? Can't you just be happy with a mystery?

And from what I gather, scientists are actually on the threshold of creating life "in the lab".

And you want "the paranormal" on a scientific footing? Well, since "the paranormal" is a purely subjective phenomenon, I'd say that science doesn't have much chance with that at all. Science is already showing us that there's some kind of currently invisible interaction between observers and phenomena. At a quantum level all kinds of peculiar things seem to happen. The fact that we don't understand why yet isn't proof of the existence of God, any more than the meteorite that "Mohammed" saw was "a sign from God"

My "evidence" of the non-existence of God is the historical unveiling of absurd thinking. It's there throughout history - people not being able to grasp certain natural phenomena, and putting them down to "God", rather than just accepting them as mysteries.

We may never as a species understand all natural phenomena, or have a complete mastery of science. But that, again, doesn't prove the existence of "God", nor any "higher power" at all.

If "God" could be described as anything at all, it would be "all phenomena". But that doesn't mean it has any kind of will, nor compassion, nor consistency in any way, shape or form.

StumbleVideo - Apple - Crazy Ones

2007-12-27T18:33:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Apple - Crazy Ones

StumbleVideo - what does THIS dancer say about YOU?

2007-12-26T21:51:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - what does THIS dancer say about YOU?

StumbleVideo - 403 Forbidden

2007-12-26T19:34:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - 403 Forbidden

StumbleVideo - 3D morphable model face animation

2007-12-25T21:57:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - 3D morphable model face animation

StumbleVideo - Almost Human

2007-12-25T21:44:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Almost Human

StumbleVideo - Bill Moyers at NCMR 2007 -- PART 1

2007-12-25T09:30:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Bill Moyers at NCMR 2007 -- PART 1

test

2007-12-24T19:26:00.001-06:00

test

StumbleVideo - Ray Bradbury speaks about WRITING!

2007-12-24T13:49:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Ray Bradbury speaks about WRITING!

StumbleVideo - Bored At Work Funny

2007-12-24T12:23:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Bored At Work Funny

Socrates_Louvre.jpg (JPEG Image, 600x800 pixels)

2007-12-24T12:18:00.000-06:00

Socrates_Louvre.jpg (JPEG Image, 600x800 pixels)

StumbleVideo - 01 - Socrates on Self-Confidence - Philosophy: A Guide to Ha…

2007-12-24T12:01:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - 01 - Socrates on Self-Confidence - Philosophy: A Guide to Ha…

StumbleVideo - The Century of the self 4 of 4

2007-12-24T11:26:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - The Century of the self 4 of 4

The New Challenge

2007-12-22T13:15:00.000-06:00

Well, it's nearly another new year, and I'm facing up to the challenge of finding income for the rest of my life - a day at a time, anyway. I'm considering the possibility of going to either New York or Los Angeles in the hunt for work as an actor. I know it's possible: I just have to get on with the doing of it.

Taking the bull by the horns is really what it's all about. I think I just need to let myself be the kind of "larger than life" character that Stephen Fry speaks of in his wonderful documentary The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive

I do realise that I've been scared, and have hidden myself away these past years. I wasn't able to defend myself from others as effectively as I might have, and I made myself too vulnerable. Vulnerability is necessary, but so are boundaries. Part of my healing has been finding my boundaries, and reconnecting with myself.

But the main thing is that I be myself now. Being myself, I'm much, much more powerful than when I've been hiding and using my "half self"

StumbleVideo - Meditation - Harnessing Your Chi Ghost and Parallel Univers…

2007-12-21T22:16:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Meditation - Harnessing Your Chi Ghost and Parallel Univers…

This is a subject I've thought about myself: contacting the me in parallel universes!

Something to investigate!

StumbleVideo - Atheist

2007-12-20T21:05:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Atheist

StumbleVideo - Hitchens tears Religion a New One in only 46 Seconds!

2007-12-20T20:43:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Hitchens tears Religion a New One in only 46 Seconds!

StumbleVideo - Hello angry Christians

2007-12-20T18:03:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Hello angry Christians

StumbleVideo - FedEX Cast Away

2007-12-19T22:33:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - FedEX Cast Away

history - the holocaust and denial

2007-12-19T15:00:00.000-06:00

It is a matter of history that when Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces, General Dwight Eisenhower, found the victims of the death camps, he ordered all possible photographs to be taken, and for the German people from surrounding villages to be ushered through the camps and even made to bury the dead. He did this because he said in words to this effect: 'Get it all on record now - get the films - get the witnesses - because somewhere down the track of history some bastard will get up and say that this never happened.' In Memorial This week, the UK removed The Holocaust from its school curriculum because it 'offended' the Muslim population which claims it never occurred. This is a frightening portent of the fear that is gripping the world and how easily each country is giving into it. It is now more than 60 years after the Second World War in Europe ended. This email is being sent as a memorial chain, in memory of the 6 million Jews, 20 million Russians, 10 million Christians and 1,900 Catholic priests who were murdered, massacred, raped, burned, starved and humiliated while the German and Russia peoples looking the other way. Now, more than ever, with Iran, among others, claiming the Holocaust to be a `myth`, it is imperative to make sure the world NEVER forgets. This email is intended to reach 40 million people worldwide. Be a link in the memorial chain and help distribute this around the world. Don't just delete this. It will take a minute to pass this along. 'All that is necessary for the triumph of evil, is for good men to do nothing'. Edmund Burke

StumbleVideo - Mart wipes his lips with his forefinger

2007-12-19T13:30:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Mart wipes his lips with his forefinger

StumbleVideo - SLOTMD (Part 11)

2007-12-18T08:48:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - SLOTMD (Part 11)

StumbleVideo - PTSD nightmares ended

2007-12-18T08:43:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - PTSD nightmares ended

StumbleVideo - Kicking And Screaming

2007-12-17T18:14:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Kicking And Screaming

StumbleVideo - candid camera

2007-12-17T17:27:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - candid camera

StumbleVideo - 403 Forbidden

2007-12-17T17:10:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - 403 Forbidden

StumbleVideo - The Boy with the incredible Brain

2007-12-17T13:59:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - The Boy with the incredible Brain

Fascinating stuff.

I think that everyone has savant abilities. They just need to know how to discover them.

StumbleVideo - Bipolar Mania`s REAL Cause

2007-12-16T22:34:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Bipolar Mania`s REAL Cause

StumbleVideo - MySpaceTV Videos: P & T; BS! - W@R 0N DRU6S by Amanda!

2007-12-16T21:42:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - MySpaceTV Videos: P & T; BS! - W@R 0N DRU6S by Amanda!

StumbleVideo - ci

2007-12-16T21:11:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - ci

This video made me cry!

StumbleVideo - George Carlin - Religion is bullshit.

2007-12-16T19:17:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - George Carlin - Religion is bullshit.

StumbleVideo - What we still dont know

2007-12-16T18:01:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - What we still dont know

StumbleVideo - Shaman

2007-12-16T14:38:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Shaman

In this video, the woman says that by going into the place she goes into, she finds somewhere that's free of conflict. And that's really what it's all about - to be free of conflict. When one can get to that place, the healing really starts.

"If you want to know why drug addicts are attracted to drugs, it's because they want to go to a place where there's no conflict", she says.

And I realise that so much of my own wound has come from when I was very, very small and I witnessed conflict in my home, between my parents. That's where my own wound started, and it grew over the years.

By meditating now, I know that the parts of me that dissociated in order to deal with the trauma of witnessing and living within conflict are now healing - perhaps for the first time in my entire life. A part of me that's perhaps very, very angry now wants to express himself for the very first time. So how can I allow him to?

He's the part of me that's been the headache. He's the part of me that's been the pain in the neck. He's the part of me that sulked as a very small child. I remember that sulking. He's also the part of me that's had the terrible temper tantrums, too.

Interesting stuff.

I do know that I'm tapping into my power at last.

StumbleVideo - ç†Šç‰§å ´çˆ†&cce…

2007-12-13T19:56:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - ç†Šç‰§å ´çˆ†&cce…

StumbleVideo - Hip Hop Violin - Paul Dateh and inka one

2007-12-13T19:36:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Hip Hop Violin - Paul Dateh and inka one

StumbleVideo - Derren Brown beats 9 chess players simultaneously.

2007-12-09T22:38:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Derren Brown beats 9 chess players simultaneously.

StumbleVideo - Kundalini Awakening

2007-12-09T19:37:00.001-06:00

StumbleVideo - Kundalini Awakening

I had a kundalini experience in 1992

StumbleVideo - Kundalini Awakening

2007-12-09T19:37:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Kundalini Awakening

I had a kundalini experience in 1992

StumbleVideo - EarthShips

2007-12-09T09:20:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - EarthShips

StumbleVideo - Crazy Light Fishing Video

2007-12-09T08:05:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Crazy Light Fishing Video

StumbleVideo - never seen something like that before Mother Love

2007-12-08T21:43:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - never seen something like that before Mother Love

StumbleVideo - Fake beauty

2007-12-08T21:39:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Fake beauty

StumbleVideo - Dan Dennett: A secular, scientific rebuttal to Pastor Rick W…

2007-12-08T21:06:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Dan Dennett: A secular, scientific rebuttal to Pastor Rick W…

StumbleVideo - Hungry Bengal Kitten (Impatient Kitty)

2007-12-08T19:01:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Hungry Bengal Kitten (Impatient Kitty)

StumbleVideo - Sam Harris on CSPAN2

2007-12-08T17:11:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Sam Harris on CSPAN2

If any of the videos I have on this blog should be watched, it's this one.

StumbleVideo - Japanese Human Art - Why Is My Girlfriend Mad? Video

2007-12-08T16:31:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Japanese Human Art - Why Is My Girlfriend Mad? Video

StumbleVideo - Amazing Camoflage

2007-12-08T14:48:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Amazing Camoflage

StumbleVideo - A nice motivational speech of Steve Jobs

2007-12-08T14:31:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - A nice motivational speech of Steve Jobs

StumbleVideo - Randy Pausch reprising his &Last Lecture&

2007-12-08T14:09:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Randy Pausch reprising his &Last Lecture&

Discover the power of first impressions - Telegraph

2007-12-04T15:13:00.000-06:00

Discover the power of first impressions - Telegraph

StumbleVideo - Team America: World Police

2007-12-01T12:55:00.000-06:00

StumbleVideo - Team America: World Police

2 faced cat!!!!

2007-11-20T15:30:00.001-06:00

Eddie Izzard- Death Star Canteen

2007-11-18T16:18:00.001-06:00

The Size Of Our World

2007-11-17T22:16:00.000-06:00

The Size Of Our World

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

2007-11-17T22:14:00.000-06:00

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

A poem by Ryokan

2007-11-17T22:10:00.000-06:00

A poem by Ryokan

An Essay by Einstein -- The World As I See It

2007-11-17T22:09:00.000-06:00

An Essay by Einstein -- The World As I See It

Maslow Self Actualization - unlearn.

2007-11-17T21:55:00.000-06:00

Maslow Self Actualization - unlearn.

Let's be friends

2007-11-17T21:53:00.000-06:00

Let's be friends

Cop Weed

2007-11-17T20:10:00.001-06:00

ITN News at Ten - 24 June 1981 [4/4]

2007-11-16T20:36:00.001-06:00

The first ad I was ever in is in this clip. The "John Bull bitter" ad

2007-11-14T12:59:00.000-06:00

Surfer dude stuns physicists with theory of everything - Telegraph

2007-11-14T12:58:00.000-06:00

Surfer dude stuns physicists with theory of everything - Telegraph: "E8"

Funny Video of Inappropriate Yoga Guy

2007-11-14T11:49:00.001-06:00

ashtanga yoga demo

2007-11-14T11:44:00.001-06:00

Krisnamacharya Yoga Film 1938 (silent)

2007-11-14T11:41:00.001-06:00

Farewell, Janice

2007-11-05T06:59:00.000-06:00

This is the morning of my sister Janice's funeral.

I still don't quite believe she's dead, and I guess that's really the function of a funeral: it's a ritual to allow us to let go of a loved on.

Unfortunately, I won't be there in person to witness her cremation and the ceremony. It would probably be good for me. Good closure and all that, and another rite of passage. I'm hoping I can do something today that's effective enough so that I can really be a part of the event.

I'm looking at the sun right now, which has just risen. It's a huge golden globe just above the treeline here, on a misty morning here in Austin. Shortly I'll be going down for a walk, then I'll see if I can buy some seeds to sow here and there.

But it's another day without her on this planet. Another day when I know I can't speak to her. She won't be on the end of the phone any more. No more letters, no more parcels. No more concern. No more words of wisdom. No more of her gentle ways.

Gradually, she'll be forgotten, along with all the dead people. All the people who have come and gone on this planet: the loved ones, who laughed and cracked jokes and loved and fought and made love and wrote poetry and worked and thought and prayed.

All the people who have lived lives here on Earth, and have done what we all do: these people have all lived and died and been remembered and then forgotten. And for each generation, they become more distant. Just as my grandmother isn't remembered by my nieces and nephew, Janice won't be remembered by her own grandchildren. There'll be stories, and there'll be photos, and maybe her grandchildren will want to know something about her. Maybe her distant descendants will. But none will have known her.

And the "lucky" ones will be in the history books. But will they? Will their personal thoughts and fears, and intimate moments, be in the history books? No, of course not. Besides, there's no ego for the dead.

All that can be done is living. Death isn't real, any more than darkness is. Death isn't a state, it's just an absence of life. We come and we go from this world, from this material existence. That's all.

But Janice is gone. In 45 minutes, her body will be burned. And that will be that.

We, the living, will get on with out lives, trying to make sense of them, and trying to find ways to be motivated. We will continue to live our lives in whatever ways we see fit. Some of us peacefully, some violently, some passive, some active. Some with live with passion, others not. But so long as we breathe, we live.

And at each moment, somewhere in the world new life is becoming, and death is doing its thing, too. Swathes of people, animals and vegetation are dying at this instant, as the hand of God waves across the land and life is breathed for the first time for so many.

Life comes and goes, all over the world, and all over other planets, somewhere. Life exists in this universe, and it's a miracle.

I thank God for this, my life. And I thank God for the life of my lovely sister, Janice Anne.

Farewell, Janice.

Eulogy for my sister Janice, whose funeral is tomorrow

2007-11-04T11:47:00.000-06:00

One of the most powerful memories I have of Janice is when I came to visit her one weekend in Gorleston. I think she’d only just moved there, and we went out for a walk to plant a sapling oak tree. She’d grown it from an acorn, and it was just a few inches high. We found a place to plant it, dug a hole, and there was the tree’s home. It had been given a start in life, and it was her act that facilitated it.

And that was how she lived her life: with the principle of giving life, and establishing life, wherever she could. Not with any real concern for herself: her reward, like the reward of any truly altruistic act, was in the giving of love itself.

It’s been said that love is the only thing you get more of by giving away, and Janice was, and still is, a shining example of that. So many people loved Janice because she got on with the true, active business of loving others and loving nature itself. She didn’t ask for any reward, nor even appreciation. She recognized the job that needed doing, and just got on with it, quietly and uncomplaining. She was one of that great, silent army of caring people. And it’s the caring people like her who make the world bearable.

I’m physically several thousand miles away from this place today. But Janice is in my heart because she knew that real love is timeless, and extends infinitely. Love knows no bounds. She understands that I’m here, today, just as she’s with me in Texas. She knew that we’re all connected as spirits in this material world. I’m only sorry that she wasn’t able to see some of the natural beauty in her physical lifetime that I’ve seen in mine. Perhaps, though, I can help her spirit see through my eyes, as I endeavour to see the world through her eyes, and with something of her determined, caring heart.

We’ll always remember Janice because she was one of the standard-bearers of love.
Now it’s up to every one of us – if we choose – to follow her example. Because what would the world be like without people like her? A bleak one, for sure.

She recognized her duty to life, and to the planet, her family, society, and to whatever mystery this existence is.

I, for one, thank her for her life and all the principles she stood by. Every one of us has been touched by her in some positive way.

So I can say with absolute pride that she was my sister.

So what is it all about?

2007-10-22T17:38:00.000-05:00

What is life all about?

What, or who, is important?

I'm told on the one hand, and thoroughly embrace the idea, that being fit and healthy and ambitious and sexy and powerful and athletic and wealthy is a good thing, because in some way it's reflective of self esteem and a positive, life affirming nature.

So why is it that when my sister - an ordinary, loving, kind, caring, giving person - dies, I feel in some way that I'm ashamed of such trivial, materialistic and apparently worthless aspirations?

I have a "wish board" of the things and values I want, or thought I wanted until yesterday. Stuff, goals, travel, cars, and ego satisfying crap that I would part in a heartbeat to have my sister alive and well again.

Why is it that it takes death or misfortune to remind us of what's really important in life?

There have I been wanting some perfect, sexy, somehow super-endowed permanent beauty as my mate, when I virtually completely ignored values lived daily by my own sister.

Fuck it that we have to choose such things in life. Why does it seem that good people lose out in life? Why does it seem that those who care aren't appreciated, whereas the glamorous, the wealthy, the famous or the "beautiful" are valued so much more?

Why should my sister die so young, when all she ever did was care about people?

Why do I have to choose between being giving, and ending up a martyr, and being selfish, and living a ripe old age?

I'm so fucking angry.

Janice Anne Mead 1948-2007

2007-10-21T12:52:00.000-05:00

My sister died today.

She'd had brain cancer, which was diagnosed a couple of months ago, and although the treatment was going rather well she had a blood clot, apparently, that had gone into her lung and she died this morning, just after midnight.

I need to realise that my life is something precious, and that I should most certainly live my life to the fullest, and in the way she would have liked me to: happily, and with passion.

Janice lived for others. And so to not live my life in her honour would be a disgraceful thing.

More positively, to live my life in her honour is a great thing.

This life is a precious gift. We come into this world, we die. And what's in between is life.

I miss her so much.

What to do

2007-10-20T09:13:00.000-05:00

So now I'm wondering what to do with the rest of my life.

Where are things going now, I wonder? And where do I fit into the scheme of things? And how many others are thinking the same thing?

Where am I going with this blog, which was originally some kind of homage to philosophy and truth, personal and global? Am I on target with it, or is it possible to be "on target" with anything?

I was out running this morning, and it occurred to me that everything follows fashion, in that it comes into favour and goes out again. Whether it's peace, war, wealth, industry, chaos, order, joy, love, emptiness, fullness...anything and everything is transitory. Even the ideals we hold dear... the morals and values which one day might seem so right or perfect or sensible or just, can dissolve into oblivion, and yet be resurrected again some day like some retro clothing or band.

So it really is such an illusion, all of it. And maybe that's where the whole ego thing comes in. I mean, who am I to think my success or brilliance really is of my own, totally? If I'm the product of chance or fate or the coming together of some arbitrary moments, molecules or even some miracles, can I really claim credit for that?

All of it, and I, too, am a wonderful mystery. And my very existence is something for me to be in awe of, regardless of what my so-called social standing is in regard to others.

Having said that, I wouldn't say "no" to a few million bucks. Then I could ponder this stuff from a different perspective, at least.

I am creating artificial life, declares US gene pioneer | Science | The Guardian

2007-10-05T19:12:00.000-05:00

I am creating artificial life, declares US gene pioneer | Science | The Guardian

Artificial life!

Things'll be very different on this planet in a couple hundred years. I'd love to be around to see it.

I think humans will be living hundreds, maybe a thousand years or more. And there'll be new species of creatures and humans beyond current imagination.

Quite exciting, indeed!

X-Men-3:The Last Standing Ovation Trailer

2007-09-27T13:38:00.001-05:00

Patrick Stewart talks about domestic violence

2007-09-26T15:47:00.001-05:00

Music and Life - Alan Watts

2007-09-10T17:34:00.001-05:00

The Dan Schneider Interview 4: Steven Pinker

2007-08-29T13:38:00.000-05:00

The Dan Schneider Interview 4: Steven Pinker

You might find this interesting, Dave...

George Carlin through the years

2007-08-29T13:32:00.001-05:00

Call on Me

2007-08-28T10:11:00.001-05:00

This is how fit we all should be, and can be

The Comic Strip : Five go mad in Dorset (1 of 3)

2007-08-26T13:20:00.001-05:00